I've always intended for this blog to be something that myself in my old age, perhaps with alzheimer's could read to remember the hopes for the future that the young me had for his life, and in a way I'm writing to myself in the future. I am sure the old me is reading this now, 30 40 years down the road, and is feeling awfully nostalgic. I hope we've lived a contented life old Dennis, and I look forward to meeting you.
But what has happened since those days? Apart from my wonderful overseas experiences (I was tempted to stay on in New York on the last day), I have had my first taste of the corporate world (and have come to the conclusion that office work is not for me), my debating cv has finally improved into something I can be proud of, and I am all but graduated from Poly and am going to enlist in less than 5 weeks time. Which is both exciting and terrifying.
What are my long term plans though? I do want to study in a local Uni after that, definitely in the area of history and philosophy, or affiliated subjects. I intend to pay for this by serving a 4 year teaching bond with NIE. Also, the issue of what co-curricular activity I should join has been on my mind lately. The obvious choice would to be of course to continue with debates, but I could just as easily get involved in a sport of some kind and coach debates at the side. You know, having my cake and eating it too, sticking with debates but still branching out to other areas. That's something I have time to mull over during all those long days at Tekong I guess.
After serving my bond and teaching for 3 years, which I think I would enjoy, I do want to further my education overseas. I don't think I am done with my pursuit of knowledge, of understanding how our world came to be, the events, the civilisations that shaped the course of modern humanity, from the cosmological to the anthropological to the historical and the geo-political, each facet of this development fascinates and intrigues me. But its not just all about the knowledge. I also want the the experience of studying overseas, its something I desire. I would love to go back to Boston and study at, ideally, Harvard or any of the other universities there. Boston is a beautiful place. But any reputable university overseas would do. I recall Auckland being just as amazing, and the university was nice as well. How to pay for this is another question. Definitely not a bond, the best case would be a scholarship, but hopefully I would have enough money from teaching and coaching for debates to tide me by.
By the time I am done with this I would be in my mid thirties. I haven't planned that far long-term but I do want to live in Spain or any other developed Spanish country for a while. Hopefully by the time I'm that old, I would have gained some measure of fluency in the language, and although I really don't know how or what I'm going to do in those countries, I would like to live there for just a while, maybe get a work visa as a teacher maybe. I do want to travel and live in different parts of the world for extended periods. The Scandinavian states hold great appeal for me. They are just so scenic and close to nature. The welsh countryside, with its strong pastural farming culture also particularly interests me as an agro-ecologist. If I could just spend 5 years traveling and living in these places I would be a happy man.
But by the time I've done all this. I would be in my early 40's. Who knows whether I would have met the right person and started a family by then? With that kind of lifestyle, it sure doesn't seem like a plausible scenario. But all this living in other countries for a while idea could definitely be a retirement plan for my wife and I. But either way even if I don't settle down, and just go on living this life, I would not mind being the cool uncle to my sisters' children. Even though I desperately do want to have a family and kids, the alternative is something that I think wouldn't be all that bad.
So that's my life laid out right there. With a little bit of political activism and journalism sprinkled here and there, that's the kind of life I want to live. I think it was important for me, this entry. It was important for me to have a clear vision and direction for where my life is headed and writing does help. Sure it sounds idyllic, and the pragmatic Singaporean in me is telling me to manage my expectations of life and think of a more reasonable, achievable existence. But I believe we all should have an idea of what we want our best possible lives to be, and strive to actualise it. Because who knows if you might? But even if I wind up stuck in Singapore and never get a chance to experience all the fantastical adventures I want in life, I draw comfort from the scene in Up where the old man realises that despite him never achieving the dreams of his youth, he still had a great adventure.
The best we can do is appreciate what life we have led. Even if I am stuck in Singapore for the rest of my life, having settled down with kids, and carrying on as a teacher after my bond; having a family is a beautiful thing of its own, and ensuring my children grow up in a better Singapore is something worth fighting for, and a cause I would passionately champion. That life wouldn't be that bad either. It won't be the idyllic one I want, but its life nonetheless, and I love life.
I openly express my love of life. I am in love with the endless possibilities of life. I am in love with all the amazing experiences that life has to offer. And though I will never be able to enjoy them all, the ones I do get to live out, I will be more than content with.
And on that poignant note, it is just past 5 am, and I want to cycle out to West Coast Park to see the sunrise. I think it's going to be beautiful.
Here's to the first day of the rest of my life.
It was the first day of debates!
It started off on a bad note because I was kinda late to get up from bed after the incidents of Day 2, but once I made it there and got the motions, I found out I would be debating Blake-Lookalike's team!
Needless to say I was rather distracted.
She's very sweet though in real life. I quite like her.
We lost but it was a pretty fun debate, my reply speech was pretty swell I thought but came out too late.
Anyway it was a good start to the day.
The second round was not bad as well, another Australian team. We did pretty well too even thought we lost, and their second speaker was pretty darn adorable too. She was so genuinely bubbly and animated.
I think it would be very fun hanging out with her.
She's really cute and sweet too.
By that time I'd come to realise that Australians are really so much nicer people than Singaporeans.
Sigh.
Anyway the third round we went up against a Japanese team, and we were debating a motion about New Zealand and Australia. Laura made up fictitious examples of indigenous tribes and got away with it.
Anyway we won that round too.
Not much of note happened after.
It was a good day.
Started out with a nice walk through Auckland to get to University Campus. We had to cut through Albert Park - a beautiful park on a picturesque hill - to get there.
It was nice. On the way we saw some people doing their morning jogs, in long sleeve shirts and long track pants. Must be nice having a morning run in this kind of weather.
Sat for the general briefing and then went to the computer lab area where I skyped for a little while with some of the 04 people, until my Mac battery died.
Also showed Mel and Anna the Blake Lively lookalike, but they insist she doesn't resemble Blake at all.
Nonsense IMO.
Anyway, after that we went back to our hotel and chilled and then we went to the opening ceremony in Hilton Hotel.
There was free flow of alcohol(red and white wine) and a constant stream of entrees, it was pretty nice.
According to the other guys I lasted for 1 hour and 45 minutes before I was gone. I think I must have had close to 15 glasses of wine. Before I was completely gone I did talk to a few people. 2 girls from Tokyo U and some Kiwis from Otago U.
Anyway when the guys finally brought me back to my room, I puked in the sink like mad, and it kept coming out over and over again, it wouldn't stop. After that I bathed and went to bed. At around 4am I woke up with a terrible giddiness and went on another puke fest. It was so horrible.
That was Day 2 in a nutshell.
Auckland is pretty nice. There are many things I want to talk about. Okay first up the weather and climate.
It's very scenic in Auckland. Not just the natural environment but the urban landscape is pretty sweet and quaint. There are nice little rows of shops and sloping alleys. It's a nice layout of the city and its amenities; akin to New York and Rodeo drive. You have old school crossings, with men and women in suits crossing casually and on past those rows of shophouses - there's this quaint coziness and personability about it, it's charming. That's the word, pretty darn charming.
If I may draw an analogy, you know when you are turning into Orchard Road from Tanglin Mall, those rows of shops? Over here its similar but more beautiful. There are also a multitude of stores, all varied and tucked in so quaintly into alleys or corridors or pathways.
Also the weather is gorgeous. There's a nice chilly breeze here but at the same time the sun is shining so brightly, illuminating the surroundings with a comforting brilliance. It's the kind of lighting that evokes this rustic happy cosy feeling, I really am at a loss of words to describe it.
One major part of why Auckland is so nice is the people. The people there are all so good looking. New Zealand girls, even the Asian and Middle Eastern ones who immigrated there, majority of them are attractive. And there are many who are just drop dead gorgeous. The men are good looking too.
Anyway we went to this Chinese restaurant for dinner. New Zealand Char Siew and Siew Yoke is nicer than Singaporean ones. The portions were frigging huge too.
At night we went to a socials event, and man with all the chio New Zealand and Aussie girls from other universities, I really feel intimidated, but yet at the same time I wanna talk to them. Ah well.
Hmm what else. There's no free wifi here in the hotel so even though I will be writing my entires in my hotel I will probably only be posting them on LJ the next day.
I'm planning on writing daily entries, its something nice to look forward too at night before I go to bed, and also I'd like to keep it for my memories.
Words are often more powerful in evoking memories than photos. At least for me.
Btw, I'm continuing from what I wrote earlier. When I was writing all that about Day 1 a while ago, I was doing it from the bedroom of the hotel. But right now as I am writing this, I am in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the long bath and typing away on my Mac, placed on top of a chair.
I am planning to watch Tv from my labtop while soaking in the long bath.
Ahhh doesn't that sound lovely.
I've always wanted to do that. Now I will.
Also from the last time I wrote, I've met and had pleasant conversations with an Art and Law student from the University of Sydney and a debater from Bangladesh who wanted to explore the fire escape staircase, so he went through the door from our floor, but once on the other side couldn't get himself out.
Quite amusing.
I am beginning to warm up to this vacation. I promised myself I would be more sociable and I think I will be.
I am happy.
There were 4 of them, black and white coloured, situated at the top of the slope. The first 3 cats were splayed out on the ground, from left to right, watching as Bounty walked past. The 4th cat was sitting upright just behind its 3 friends, it too keeping watchful eyes on Bounty.
I carried on walking Bounty, and he too seemed nonplussed about the issue, as if he had more important doggy things to do than deal with some cat pai kia. But the cats were not done with Bounty.
One of them went down the slope and gingerly approached Bounty as he was sniffing a wall. I ensured that Bounty would not get too close to it.
When Bounty turned to face the cat, nudging a little closer to it to get a better look, the cat gave a low hiss and arched its back, as if to convey to Bounty that this was its gang's territory, and Bounty better get lost. I quickly shooed the cat away and it rejoined its pals at the top of the slope, once again looking down on Bounty and myself from their lofty positions.
It did seem to me that this crew of 4 cats wanted to assert their dominance over the area and sent a scout to give fair warning to Bounty.
I could almost imagine the catty politics involved. Yes, that pun was unfortunately, purely intentional.
Okay. Story over.
I need to keep to my promise of writing more this year.
"I hear its getting better" - Barney Stinson on his blog
As I was doing so, a little boy walked in and looked at me peeing and gave me this look of entitlement, a this-is-my-urinal-why-are-you-peeing-in-i
After this incident I will never pee in the shorter ones again."
Remember this post from a while back, well, just now I needed to relieve myself, and so I asked Anna to watch my stuff at Starbucks before she left.
She needed to rush off for dinner, so I hightailed it to the men's room and went pee pee at the nearest urinal, which is the shorter one for kids. As luck would have it, a kid walked in and saw me there and went to pee at the taller one beside me. He was better adjusted(taller) than the previous kid, and I didn't feel embarrassed as I was the last time, but still it's twice in a year now I've had to deal with this situation.
I've never experienced a situation like this in my 20 years on this Earth, but now in one year I've had 2 of such instances.
What are the odds?
I'm sure mathematically I could work it out.
Ok, first I have to ascertain a few variables.
Years I have been tall enough to use the taller urinal, number of male children in Singapore who are not tall enough to use the normal urinal, the number of activities/places that I as a person from my demographic could be doing/at on a Sunday evening and the number of activities/places that a male child between the heights required could be doing/at on a Sunday evening.
Hmm that was sufficiently Sheldon-esque.
Time to resume Resume writing.
Yep. That was intentional.
And I apologize to Michael Quek. I'm sorry I didn't respect your aversion to receiving green stuff in your email.
This is a very baby step, I still need to borrow a heck load of comic books or find them online and I have to borrow a lot more reference books regarding superheroes. But I am pleased with my structure and I am please with what I have done so far.
Here's a look:
Through studying the stories of the modern day superhero, we see mankind’s search for answers on/to questions/issues of identity and one’s place in society.
1. Why do we identify with superheroes?
• What is about their origin stories that strike a chord with us?
o Orphans – endless possibilities of your background, maybe you’re royalty?
o Trauma – superheroes who are borne out of trauma, people sympathise with them, they are doing something about their trauma. Their acting out because of the trauma - superheroes do all the acting out of the normal trauma that humans experience that they cannot act out on.
• How do superheroes mirror our own search for self?
o Thrill of Duality – being another person
o Unfulfilled Potential
o Sense of Self – attaining of self, self-discovery
• Case study – Batgirl, Oracle, Barbara Gordon.
• What makes vigilantism so acceptable to us?
o Proactive form of justice rather than reactive.
o Systems of Justice and Law extend even to criminals.
o System unfair, system flawed, benefits the evil and undeserving, plays on the anti-establishment sentiment in society - corporate culture is evil the people hate the system.
2. How do the social characteristics of superheroes' lives mirror our own?
o ‘Persecuted Minority’ – whole world is prejudiced against me because they don’t understand me, they can’t appreciate how special I am, the world is wrong and foolish, they don't understand my true potential, I will prove them wrong. This mentality can be very comforting. It's a bit vindictive but ultimately very satisfying.
o The Superhero Family – some superhero families have similarities to normal day families look at X-men, Fantastic 4 etc. others are more ideal, wish fulfillment kind like justice league, having a mature independent support system, living as adults.
o Certainty of one’s future in terms of what they want to do for the rest of their lives – having a superpower or certain skills or a powerful vendetta gives you absolute certainty and focus that this is what you are going to be doing with your life.
But the moment that distance is breached by something like a webcam I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
The first time I used a webcam was when my older sister was in America and we communicated that way. It was unusual, as is any first-time dabbling in new comm. tech. but it still felt alright as it was my sister, inviting her into our home via webcam seemed normal and okay. But all the other times it has been weird, I feel violated,awkward and disconcerted over the fact that someone is looking at me and my room.
At this point I should try and explain the weird feeling of invasion when people can see you on a webcam. There immediately seems to be this breaching of this unspoken contract in internet communication.
I think on deeper psychological analysis the internet as a tool of communication has it's biggest appeal in terms of anonymity. There's this invisible line of protection, this invisible line of separation that I think on some deep psychological level, we need and we crave, to prevent ourselves from being hurt, we are not put out there, not vulnerable. There's this psychological safety that comes with faceless virtual communication.
Webcams shatter that line. That's probably why I feel this deep sense of invasion when I know people are seeing me on webcams. They somehow immediately gain access to my home, my room, my appearance. It's deeply unsettling.
Words.
That's my preferred form of communication on the internet. I am safe in the knowledge that on forums someone's post is just someone writing something into a computer. Nothing else. Same for MSN.
Some might argue that people's preference for anonymity and this faceless virtual communication is a terrible situation compared to the personability of actual face-to-face conversation and all the examples of people sitting behind faceless aliases and usernames only harm the social fabric or stuff like that and this new wave of Webcams which simulates actual face-to-face conversation changes the dynamics of online communication and puts the ball right back in the court it ought to belong in - it reverses the current negative status quo.
But I think I don't like the muddying of internet communication with personal stuff. I feel the 2 should be kept separate and compartmentalized like I'm doing now.
Limit the personal stuff exclusively to real-world interaction. Webcam face-to-face is still virtual, is still an artificial reality. It's an ersatz version of the real thing, of real intimate conversation, as much as it tries to imitate it.
And internet anonymity is still a powerful thing to leave faceless, as throughout centuries people have always faced the dichotomy of wanting to reach out and having the company of a whole community of people, as part of the human experience, but yet also want protect themselves from getting hurt. The internet solves this conundrum.
Wow.
What a boring post. But I needed to say it. Needed to get it out of the system. And I realize I haven't been doing much of that lately. Hence the lack of action on here.
Anyway, a funny story to lighten the mood:
You know in men's restrooms there's always this shorter urinal for little boys to pee in. Well, 2 or 3 weeks back whilst studying in Starbucks I needed to pee so I went to the Bathroom, somehow I just went for it and pee-ed in the shorter one.
As I was doing so, a little boy walked in and looked at me peeing and gave me this look of entitlement, a this-is-my-urinal-why-are-you-peeing-in-i
After this incident I will never pee in the shorter ones again.
Anyhoo.
Off.
2. I fall harder and harder for Kristen Bell with each viewing of her numerous and quite frequent appearances on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. She's so adorable. She's beautiful, clever, with a great sense of humor and she's so refreshingly normal and humble. She really is an adolescent boy's dream girl ... although I can't really classify myself as adolescent anymore. Nonetheless.
3. Alcohol. I like hard liquor, wines and cocktails. I don't like beer unless its used its heavily diluted with soda or other sweet drinks. Beer neat tastes so bitter and awful. I tried a bit of Guinness Draught and to me at least it tasted like a creamier version of Chicken's Essence. But anyway I've really found a great drink in Whisky. Black Label, Macallan and Chivas - I've tried all 3 brands of whisky, and all taste awesome although I seem to think I enjoy Black Label the most. Vodka is nice too. It's really weird. I only first started exploring the world of alcoholic beverages 2 weeks ago and now I feel so comfortable in it. Odd.
4. I've finally sorted out my plans for the future. For all my flirting with political sciences, my first love is still English Literature - how one tells a story, be it through print or video. It's one of the reasons I joined DMC. After NS, I plan to go to do the Eng. Lit. Undergrad program at NUS. I've already gone through a few of their modules. It seems awesome! Fiction is my calling. I can't believe it took me this long. My intense burning through books during the O'level period when I was in secondary school ... that Sec 4 year ... those were some of the best days of my life. I woke up every morning to go to school and just read. It was just me and my novels. And when I was done I would walk to Queenstown library and re-stock my arsenal. It was so satisfying. How could I ever turn away from that. Sadly fiction has taken a back seat during my time at SP. I shall correct that ... AFTER I finish End of Food and McMafia. AND I promise I will not take an eternity to read through these 2 books and never get to my beloved fiction.
5. I have a little confession to make. In the last week of December I was OBSESSED with Mario. I kept playing it over and over again until I got through the whole game and then later on, I spent 2 days creating 2 different but equally insane levels of Mario. I felt so proud after creating those brilliant pieces of work, and I still feel a sense of pride now. Wow. I feel like playing both my levels now. I guess I really should get this desire out of the way because I want to start work on AM soon.
6. Oh speaking of AM, today I feel super awesome, simply because I've obtained new knowledge about OIL and the extraction processes from soybeans - Cold Pressing, Solvent Extraction, Expeller-Pressed ... etc. I always find great satisfaction in learning more about the world we live in, on an existential level, I think that learning more about the world makes me feel alive, it somewhat justifies my existence, it makes me feel like there's still so much more to life that I have yet to explore.
Anyway, I'm off to play Mario now. And then AM. Promise.
Life is great. I feel so happy. Bye.
I was dreaming about Mario at first, and as I was hopping through the level there was this narration going on about Hui Hui, this former classmate of mine and also some voices in the background talking about some shit I can't quite remember now ...
Then it transitions to me in a classroom with Sher, Xin, Kel and I, and somehow now I know that there is us 4 along with Mel and Hui Hui in the final 6 of Survivor.
So Sher and Xin wanted to vote off Hui Hui but then I said,
"We should get Mel out, because she's a threat in challenges."
And Sher was like: "OMG we totally should!"
And it was cool because in my dream Sher seemed to want to betray Mel because it would be funny. It's like my dream people were all in character.
Anyway all 4 of us agreed to vote for Mel and I even remember hi-fiving them and saying Final 4 after making that decision.
I have some fucked up weird dreams.
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